babyassface

a juice that prevents aging. maybe.

A while back, I wrote about an amazing, facial serum that’s loaded with Resveratrol- the powerful, anti-aging compound found in red wine.  Since then, I’ve officially become obsessed with Resveratrol.  (It’s kind of like my Jonas Brothers.)

In a recent study at Harvard, mice, who were given Resveratrol, lived 30% longer and were able to run twice as far on a treadmill. (They think Resveratrol sends cells into maintenance mode, instead of growing mode, thus slowing the aging process.)   Whaaaat?

According to the National Cancer Institute, there is also evidence that Resveratrol helps to prevent cancer. 

And it’s believed that it’s also responsible for the “French Paradox”.  The fact that the French smoke, eat fatty foods and have so much disdain (that was my addition), yet have such a low rate of coronary disease.

This 80 yr old French clergyman drinks 2 glasses of red wine a day.
He says people tell him he doesn’t look a day over 60.

I, myself, am a light weight.  If I drank 2 glasses of red wine a day, I’d probably end up in rehab.  So I was really excited to see Whole Foods is now selling Embodi- a juice blend that’s the equivalent of two glasses of red wine (without the alcohol).

There are three flavors.  All of which taste really good. Kind of like a light, more sophisticated grape juice. 

Thus my “Bottle of Embodi a day, anti-aging adventure”^TM begins.   I’ll let you know how it goes?  Just a warning:  by my next post, I might only be using one syllable words and talking a lot about ponies and unicorns.

  Aren’t they so pretty? Don’t you just want to store all your pens
 and pencils in them?  Oh, my God.  It’s working already.

A fantastico facial cleanser

“She was bored to death writing about a facial cleanser.”  How embarrassing an obituary would that be?   I mean, really, what can you say about a good one?  “It cleans really well.” “Really well it does clean.”  But Borghese Crema Saponetta (or cleansing crème, for those who prefer the more romantic English language) un-bored me to life. 

First off, it has a rich, luxurious lather.  It smells like you just walked into an Aveda. And I've never experienced a cleanser that felt like it cleaned so deeply. (Like if it cleaned my skin any deeper, it could double as a mouthwash.)  

Borghese Crema Saponetta is just another facial cleaner, like Mr Clean is just another custodial engineer. 

You would think this kind of deep clean would leave skin feeling dry and stripped of moisture.  Not at all.  My skin felt really soft, smooth, and refreshed, with just the right amount of it’s own natural moisture remaining.  (From what people on Amazon said this stuff works wonders on acne too.)

And I don’t know what voodoo you do, Borghese, but I’ve tried $80 firming serums that didn’t firm as well as this cleanser.  It felt like a bus door closed on my face, while I was still trying to push my way on.  (I mean that in a good way.  Not in a, then the bus went on to drag me, by my face, for a few blocks kind of way.) 

To me, Borghese Crema Saponette is the Michael Phelps of facial cleansers. And by the way, congratulations, Michael!  Because I’m sure you’re reading this right now:)

Until this cleanser, I wouldn’t have thought it possible to write 299 words
 about a facial cleanser without using the word “very” 290 times.

To find out where you can buy it at the best price, feel free to use the "search the web" box to the right.

cholesterol hot oil treatment?

Cholesterol.

If you’re like most people, you just cringed, like I mentioned the anti-Christ.  So imagine how aghast I was when I saw that tube of Queen Helene Cholesterol Hot Oil Treatment on the shelf at Ricky’s.  

Then I recalled that line from Sea Biscuit.  “Sometimes all someone needs is a second chance.”  Suddenly, my heart went out to that little tube of cholesterol and next thing I knew, it was in my hair.  

You just soak the tube in hot water for 1 minute.  Then massage it into wet hair and scalp.  Wait 3 minutes and rinse it out with water.

You’re probably picturing cholesterol oil to be the consistency of something you’d have sucked out of your thighs, but it’s actually extremely lightweight, rinses out easily and leaves no oily residue behind. 

This is actually the contents of a fried Snickers bar but I imagine it looks
 similar to the contents of someone’s liposuctioned thigh.  

You really can’t tell how amazing this stuff is until you blow dry your hair.  But then…  holy vein coagulator.   My hair was shiny, smooth and super sleek (in a non-oily way).  When I touched my hair to see how it felt, my hand literally went sliding down my hair, like an out of control ski jumper. 

I wondered where Queen Helene got the cholesterol (and could I donate some of mine- to me.)

Turns out the source of the cholesterol is actually Lanolin, an ingredient derived from sheep's wool -no sheep are hurt in the process.   (Lanolin is chiefly a mixture of cholesterol and the esters of several fatty acids.)

Now I’m off to see if I can get the same spectacular effect with cholesterol derived from a bag of potato chips via my mouth.

I knew there was bad cholesterol and good cholesterol. 

But I never knew there was great cholesterol.

To find out where you can buy it at the best price, feel free to use the "search the web" box to the right.

bamboo sheets. a wrinkle preventative?

Silk sheets are a longtime, beauty secret of movie starlets.  Because the face glides effortlessly along the silk (apparently, starlets never drool), silk pillowcases supposedly don’t form creases in your face  and quite contrarily, they supposedly even help smooth out existing wrinkles. (Kind of like a giant, super expensive Frownie.)

 
Someone call an ambulance. I think this woman overdosed on silk. 

Unfortunately, not all of us are millionaires, who can afford silk sheets.  But thankfully, some of us are thousandaires, who can afford bamboo sheets. 

I know you’re probably thinking, bamboo, won’t that give me splinters? Not unless you’re whittling in bed. Because bamboo is one of the softest fabrics on earth.

Besides feeling extremely soft and silky, bamboo sheets are also all-natural, hypo-allergenic, and bacteria resistant (so they stay cleaner and fresher longer). 

They breath 3-4 times better than cotton, helping you regulate your body temperature better. (They actually help you stay cooler in the summer).

And here’s the kicker. Bamboo is a rapidly renewable resource. It takes in 5xs the amount of greenhouse gases, and produces 35% more oxygen than an equivalent-sized tree.  And it doesn’t require pesticides to grow, so it’s one of the most eco-friendly materials around. 

I got my 100% bamboo sheets from Bed, Bath and Beyond. I love them so much that I have a hard time getting out of bed. (So much so, that I would probably have bed sores, if I didn’t have places to be.)

So even if the beauty starlets are wrong about silky pillowcases preventing wrinkles, bamboo sheets are so comfortable, that at the very least, they help ensure I get my beauty rest. (Wait, that’s a mattress. Damn brainwashing advertisers.)  I mean, beauty sleep.  

Just looking at these bamboo pillowcases is making me sleepyqakdaoierhajnlafdf
(sorry, my head just hit the keyboard).

microfoliant of a geisha

In order for a Japanese geisha to pull off a face full of white pan makeup, she would have to have pretty flawless skin underneath.

If not, she would end up looking like a French woman in a full face of white pan makeup.

So what’s the ancient Japanese secret to a flawless complexion?  I’m glad I asked.  The answer is rice bran, sista-san. 

The Japanese have known for centuries that the potent vitamins and antioxidants in rice - exfoliate, tone, tighten, smooth, improve blood circulation and stimulate cell turnover. 

(And to think, I thought it was just good for binding the bowels.)

Thankfully, Dermalogica Daily Microfoliant is all about the rice bran (and a bunch of skin brightening and skin soothing ingredients).

I know it says “micro”foliant right in the name, but, still, I was rather shocked when I opened the package to see finely ground powder.  (You mix it with water and rub it all over your face.) 

My usual stance on exfoliants is the courser, the better.  (I would use gravel if someone put it in a pretty package and charged me enough.)  But, much to my delight, this powder microfoliates like nobody’s business.

My skin was smoother, more even-toned, tighter, clearer and my cheeks had a gentle, rosy glow.

My face really did have a geisha-like quality to it (pre the pan makeup).  Who knew something gentle enough to use everyday could be so powerful.  (Of course, I would still be willing to try a gravel exfoliant if someone sent me a sample.)

It’s the perfect, lazy woman’s Halloween costume.  Just use it and when people ask, tell them you’re a geisha. 
If you really want to go all out, you can put your hand over your mouth and giggle a lot.

At first I thought this product seemed expensive until the saleswoman told me it actually lasts 5 months, then it seemed like a bargain.   To find out where you can buy it at the best price, feel free to use the "search the web" box to the right.

my feet feel pretty. oh, so pretty.

This summer you need to get your shoes the perfect accessory. Pretty feet. (No, that’s not the name of a product). Yes, I know feet aren’t usually an accessory or pretty, but I think that’s anatomical profiling and I won’t stand for it.

And let’s face it, if your feet are going to be running around this summer half-naked and posing on the cover of Vanity Fair. Oh, wait, that was Miley Cyrus.

If you think about it, our feet are the Cinderella (pre the glass slipper incident) of our body parts. They’re used and abused. “I don’t care if you’re bleeding and have blisters, feet, these shoes are cute and stomach wants to walk to get some ice cream.” And that poor little pinky toe, crammed in there like a Japanese commuter.

Have you seen this? It's crazy. And I thought turtlenecks made me feel claustrophobic.

Is it any wonder our feet look like, uhh… feet? But in true Cinderella fashion, there is a happy ending.
(Today, the role of the prince will be played by the Moom Volcanic Pumice stone.)

There are lots of pumice stones out there, but I think the Moom is the best. Here's why. It's handcrafted from real volcanic rocks. It's round, so it gets into all the curves of the bottom of your foot and won’t cut into your hand. Unlike most pumice stones, it’s bacteria and mold resistant. And it’s guaranteed for as long as you own your feet.

This stone totally rids feet of roughness and calluses. So they are left feeling really soft and smooth, kind of like baby’s feet only much, much bigger.

This pumice stone has transformed my feet into my best feature. OMG. How sad is that?

I've gotten some emails asking where people can find the products I talk about in my posts. Feel free to use Google “search the web” box, to the right, to find out where you can find it (and for how much).

a shaving bar so good you'll wish you had more legs

I usually don’t look forward to shaving my legs. Don’t get me wrong.  I do it, so as not to look like a Yeti, but it does seem like a bit of a chore. But that’s all changed, thanks to Savor’s Juice Shaving Soap.  www.savor.etsy.com (I’m also going to write about their other soaps, but this shaving bar is so good it deserved a post all to itself.)

First off, I love that it doesn’t come in gratuitous, environmentally-detrimental packaging.  It’s just wrapped in a thin, Saran Wrap-ish type plastic.  (Pretty minimal.) 

Second off, this bar smells really nice and lightly fruity.  It has extra glycerin, conditioner and vegetable protein for a thick, rich lather.  My razor has never glided over my legs this effortlessly, ever.

In fact, this bar has so much slip that I kept trying to put it on the ledge of the tub and it kept sliding in and then I couldn’t pick it up for 5 minutes because it kept slipping out of my hand.  (This probably isn't a good gift idea for a prisoner.)

And while I have thin, chicken legs, this bar leaves them feeling so refreshed, smooth, and silky that they feel like really beautiful chicken legs.

I love this product so much that shaving my legs is now right up there with free samples, Ben and Jerry’s ice cream and sleeping late. (The list of my favorite things is somewhat different than Julie Andrews’.)

 Is it wrong to be in love with a shaving soap?

i want to eat this soap

I know you’re not supposed to go food shopping when you’re hungry, but I never thought that would apply to soap shopping.   But the list of soaps on Savor’s website, www.savor.etsy.com could even make Chef Gordon Ramsay say #@%*!  (in a good way).

For breakfast:  the Natural Light soap.  The top half is creamy goat’s milk and ground oatmeal and the bottom, olive oil and calendula petals. Oh, my God, no soap has ever left my skin feeling this soft and silky. 

For an appetizer: The Polenta soap.  Soap with a dash of vanilla on one side and finely ground cornmeal on the other, to scrub away dead skin.  Brilliant.  And it left my skin feeling super soft, smooth and fresh.

Then for dessert (I like to skip the main course to leave room for dessert) I’ll have the Chocolate Chip Cookie Dough soap, made with oatmeal and real chunks of chocolate.

How evil is it to put real chocolate chunks that close to the surface on a bar of soap?

I found this bar a little drying on my skin (but I have dry skin).  So now I’m using it as a hand soap.   I love using it so much I think I’ve developed a hand washing OCD.

For my next dessert (don’t judge), Crème Brulee soap (it smells just like it), with creamy soap on one side and all-natural cane sugar on the other.

It goes without saying (why is that an expression, when the person then goes on to say what it is that goes without saying?) that these soaps make great gifts.  There’s a 3-month gift subscription for just $27.  (Your lucky gift recipient will receive 2 bars a month for 3 months.)

All this thinking of Savor soaps is making me hungry.  OMG.  I can’t take it anymore!  I have to go eat a hunk of chocolate out of my chocolate chip cookie dough soap. 

How to avoid looking like an oil tanker hit your face.

I usually have dry skin but this week NYC has been so hot and humid that my face is gushing oil. In fact, my face is so oily that I’m afraid President Bush is going to try to get Congress to let him to drill on it.  

My sources tell me President Bush is thinking of starting a “No child’s facial oil left behind” program.

It’s also been super sunny, so I’ve been religiously applying sunscreen, just adding to the “an oil tanker hit my face” effect.

So as to avoid looking like a walking environmental nightmare, I decided to try a sample of Cosmedicine Medi-Matte Oil Control Lotion SPF 20.

Cosmedicine claims that “clinical trials using state-of-the-art high resolution tools” (are they referring to the Canon Sure Shot?) measured 44% reduction in sebum levels, 39% increase in mattification, and 35% reduction in visible shine.

Anyway, I applied it to my face. (It’s the consistency of Elmer’s Glue so only use a little and rub it in well.) Then I went about my business of running errands and sweating my arse off.  I have to say my skin remained matte and oil-free for hours. (It is supposed to last for 8 hrs. I’d say it’s more like 4.)

But that was quite the feat, considering I could have filled an Escalade’s tank with my face the day before. 

If you have seasonally oily skin (or annually oily skin), it’s definitely worth picking up a free sample at Sephora and checking it out.

How to make sure your pores don't turn into oil derrecks.

frownies. the poor woman's botox?

At first, I just thought I was tempted to try Frownies® because they sounded like brownies. But that’s neither here nor there.

I tried the ones for my brow cleft and marionette lines. 

I’ve had extremely deep marionette lines since I was a child. (Which might explain why I was always terrified at puppet shows, I think I thought they were going to kidnap me and take me to live amongst my people.)

This way Jenny.

This is no big whoop technology here. Frownies are just craft paper and some form of adhesive that you stick to your face to form a splint. Locking n' loading the face into such a relaxed expression that the first time I used them, I woke up thinking I’d had a stroke.

So did they work?

Day one: I woke up and my brow furrow and the marionette line on the right side of my face (I only put it on one side to ensure scientific accuracy:) were both gone. 

Woo Hoo.  Celebrate good times.  Come on.  It’s a celebration. 

Cut to an hour later, the lines are back and as deep as ever.  But I’d made an oath to my puppet forefathers, to give it a whole month.

Cut to a month later.  I asked the person I’m working with, if she can tell which side I was using the Frownies on.  She ponders, points and says, “That side. The line is less deep.” 

So there you have it.

I noticed a difference too and the effects now last all day (and I imagine wearing them is preventing the lines from getting deeper).  It does seem like a gradual process though.  And I’m not sure if the effects last long term if you stop using them, but it sure beats carrying around nuts in your cheeks.

The average rating for Frownies on Amazon.com ranges from 4 to 5 stars, so apparently we're either all extremely desperate or they do actually do something. 

I imagine a Frownies' sweatshop in a third world country somewhere,
filled with 5-year-olds wielding scissors, craft paper and glue. 


The kid who did this was fired for insubordination.

I've gotten some emails asking where people can find the products I talk about in my posts. Feel free to use Google “search the web” box, to the right, to find out where you can find it (and for how much).