babyassface

on-the-go? lazy? both? this facial cleaner is for you.

There are lots of cleansing wipes out there, but rather than tell you about one you could find yourself, if you walked into any Duane Reade blindfolded, I thought I’d tell you about this great, less-ubiquitous one. 

Apivita Cleansing Tissues with Chamomile.  Apivita is a Greek brand, founded by two Greek pharmacists. 

Did you notice how hot Greece is right now?  There’s not one, but two, movies coming out that were filmed there. (Mama Mia and the Sisterhood of the Traveling Pants 2-  I'm dying to see if it's the same pants from the first one.)

Here’s a scene from Mamma Mia! Looks like someone best start writing their Oscar speech.

Apivita’s express line of products, comes packaged in single, travel packets.  (Which doesn't sound eco-friendly, but who knows, it might actually be better than the bigger, plastic, packaging of other brands.) 

But enough about the future of the planet, let’s get back to the texture of my skin.

They're appropriate for all skin types.  They cleanse, tone, lightly moisturize and remove make-up, all in one fell swipe.  The chamomile is super gentle and left my face feeling soft, smooth, refreshed and even a bit glowy.  (And short of ingesting uranium, I would do anything for glowy skin.) 

I found these wipes to be very calming. I’m guessing it’s the chamomile. After using one, I feel like I’ve just taken a shower, after spending the day at the beach and now I’m sitting on the deck of a beach house.  Perhaps Chamomile is a hallucinogenic? 

They’re perfect for traveling (and easily fit into the pocket of your traveling pants), and for sweaty, summer face. They’re also great for those nights you’re too tired to turn on the faucet. (Or to take your keys out from outside lock of your door. Don't judge.)

Here’s a quote from one of the founders of Apivita: “If you have a dream you will achieve it,
 and if you achieve it you will dream again.”  How inspiraconfusional?

I've gotten some emails asking where people can find the products I talk about in my posts. Feel free to use Google “search the web” box, to the right, to find out where you can find it (and for how much).

For butteresque lips

My lips get so dry overnight that I sometimes expect to wake up and find them cracked off somewhere under the pillows with my ponytail holder.

It’s like if Mr. Sandman and the Tooth Fairy had a back-woods, inbred 2nd cousin, who came in the middle of the night, but instead of putting sand in your eyes (bastard) or giving you money, she tried to leave your lips under the pillow.  

Thankfully, I’ve found the perfect remedy to ward off the banjo-playing, over-all-wearing lip fairy.

Korres Guava Lip Butter. They use natural, homeopathic (not that there’s anything wrong with that), non-synthetic ingredients, like soothing shea butter and rice wax. And when I wake up in the morning, my lips are not only still on my face but they also feel super hydrated, soft and smooth- kind of like those wax lips from the 70s. 

 
Why did they say they were edible? Is wax edible?  Did I miss that day of science class?
And thanks for the bicycle helmet.  Oh, wait.  That's right.  You didn't give us bicycle helmets. 

I suppose you can use the lip butter during the day too, but I like using it at night so much that it’s now developed into a pre-sleep, OCD ritual.  

The Guava Lip Butter is actually clear, not tinted, but I couldn’t find a photo of the elusive, Guava flavor anywhere. Which is odd because I could find over 400,000 photos of Bigfoot.

I've gotten some emails asking where people can find the products I talk about in my posts. Feel free to use Google “search the web” box, to the right, to find out where you can find it (and for how much).

An all, all-natural facial toner.

This is Aubrey Hampton, founder of Aubrey® Organics.

He's managed to convey his entire business philosophy in one weird-ass photo.

Let’s see.  There’s a Native American-esque statue behind him, showing that, like the indigenous people, he too respects and lives off the land.  He’s holding a dog, to symbolize that he loves animals and would never test on them.  Although, he did test some shampoo on this dog, and her hair does look fluffier.  He’s an aging hippie, so you know his products are all natural but he wears a suit, which means he knows how to run a business.  I hear your photo loud and clear, Aubrey.

But all 108 words of kidding aside, I love this company.  I love what they stand for.  And I love their Green Tea and Ginko Facial Toner (for normal skin).  Unlike a lot of companies that throw around the words “organic” and “all-natural” like frisbees on fire , Aubrey is the real deal. 

All Aubrey Organics® products are completely natural. No synthetic chemicals of any kind. They even use all-natural preservatives.

The ingredients, of the Green Tea and Ginko Toner, read like a delicious iced tea:  Grain Alcohol (I haven’t put that in my iced tea since college. I swear), three types of Chamomile, Organic Peppermint leaves, Lemon, Cucumber, Green Tea.  Yes, waiter I'll have another.  And another basket of bread. 

I know a lot of beauty experts say that toner is an unnecessary product but I love it.  When I use Aubrey’s toner, my skin feels smoother, softer and super fresh.  And even when I use it after cleaning my face, there's usually black stuff on the cotton ball.  So unless Aubrey is putting dirt in their toner, it’s definitely removing something. 

There's no shortage of weird photos on their website.  What's with the angle?  And what’s with the rocks? 
Looks like someone, sitting 3 ft away, lost at a game of Mancala and threw the pieces. 

FYI:  Aubrey Organics can be found at Whole Foods and most health food stores.

I've gotten some emails asking where people can find the products I talk about in my posts. Feel free to use Google “search the web” box, to the right, to find out where you can find it (and for how much).

It's the Xanax of body scrubs

They’ve invented a combination anti-depressant and body scrub?  Really?  I know who I’m voting for to be the next Nobel Prize Winner… 

Origins Gloomaway™ Grapefruit body-buffing cleanser.  

This grapefruit-licious scrub/cleanser definitely takes me to my happy place- that beautiful meadow in the Sound of Music.

Wait. Who the hell is she? That’s not Julie Andrews. And why is she dressed in all black?

Oh, of course, it's the German version of happiness.

But I digress. Gloomaway smells just like sunshine.  No, it’s not just you.  I’m not really sure what that means either.  It smells like, if you looked out your window, you’d see unicorns and Care Bears frolicking.  Hopefully, that analogy was a little clearer.

It’s a gentle exfoliant, but it definitely gets the job done, because my skin feels amazingly soft, smooth and silky after.  And it creates a little foam as you rub it around – yet another sensorial treat.  And like most anti-depressants, it’s completely addictive.   I add it to my shopping list when I’m only halfway through the tube because, God forbid, one day I’m in the shower and squeeze the tube, only to find it empty.  It would be a very sad day indeed.

The one time I ran out of it, I came to, on my bathroom floor,

 only to find I had drawn this on the wall with an eyeliner pencil. 

I think an even better name for it would have been Xanaxdo.

a truly heaven facial cleanser

When I use Dermalogica Precleanse my face becomes so clean it feels like it’s been baptized. It’s so clean it almost looks translucent. So clean I almost expect to hear angels singing that “Ahhhhhhhh” sound. (Not to be confused with the dentist “Ahhhhhh” sound.)

It’s a plant-based cleansing oil, which sounds counter-intuitive to cleaning your skin, but it cleans so deeply it’s actually probably even better for people with oily to normal skin.

The oil supposedly “melts layers of excess oil, sunscreen, waterproof make-up, environmental pollutants and residual skin products that build up during the day”.  Is it just me or were they describing Tammy Faye?

Just looking at the bottle makes your face feel cleaner.

I've gotten some emails asking where people can find the products I talk about in my posts. Feel free to use Google “search the web” box, to the right, to find out where you can find it (and for how much).

eyebrow gel? really?

So one day I found a forgotten, free sample of Anastasia Brow Gel in the bottom of my purse.  At first, I laughed.  Ha.  Ha.  What next eyebrow shampoo?  Eyebrow hair dryers?  But since it was a free sample, I felt compelled to try it, for much the same reason people climb Everest.  Because it was there. 

Believe me, I didn’t feel like I needed eyebrow gel.  It’s not like my eyebrows look like Mr. Rooney’s.

Or Peter Gallagher’s. Actually, I’m pretty sure his aren’t really eyebrows but rather misplaced mustaches.

No, my eyebrows are just fine.  Or so I thought.

Just for laughs, I applied my little mascara-type wand of Antasia Brow Gel.  I have to say it immediately made me look very professional. Each hair in my eyebrows looked like they were perfectly in place.  No, directionally-challenged hairs.  No, random, altruistic, long hairs that looked like they were trying to grow themselves out so they could donate themselves to “Locks of Love”.

At first, it was kind of funny how much I enjoyed having well-coiffed eyebrows.  Then things went horribly awry.   I misplaced the gel.  OMG!  You’d have thought I lost my great, great grandmother's cameo.

I ransacked my apartment.  Dumped out my purse.  Crawled around on floor for 10 minutes in a complete panic.  How could I leave my apartment with homeless people eyebrows?

I finally found it.  At which point I realized I had a problem. So as not to have to join a twelve-step program for eyebrow gel addiction, I’ve decided to refrain from using it on weekends, while running errands.  Baby steps, my friends, baby steps.

Prevents eyebrow bangs.

I've gotten some emails asking where people can find the products I talk about in my posts. Feel free to use Google “search the web” box, to the right, to find out where you can find it (and for how much).

For hair so shiny, you could send morse code with it.

I found Vitapointe® Crème Hairdress and Conditioner one day when I was buying every product I could find to help my fried hair. (Apparently, I was coloring it too often and chemically burned it.)

My hair was super bad. To say it was straw-like would be an insult to straw.

Anyway, I saw this cream and mistakenly read it as “hairdressers’ crème” instead of “crème hairdress”. Thank God for my dyslexic moment (and spell check) because this stuff is amazing.

Because my hair is so dry, I apply Vitapointe to my hair when it's wet but you can also put it in when it's dry. It's actually good for all hair types. They say "the cream vanishes only the glow remains." That's pretty much true but you might want to add it in a bit at a time just in case.

Vitapointe strengthens, softens, smoothes, moisturizes, improves manageability, reduces frizz, smells great, and leaves even straw-like hair shark-attack shiny. I caught my reflection in a store window after using it and almost accidentally gave myself Lasik surgery.

Here are Geoffrey Rush and friends basking in the glow of my new Vitapointe hair. 

Apparently, it was a slow year at the box office, because they even made a movie about it. 

Don't dance under a disco ball with Vitapointe in your hair or could have a lawsuit on your hands. 

Feel free to add your own shiny analogies to the comments box below. It's kind of fun.

I've gotten some emails asking where people can find the products I talk about in my posts. Feel free to use Google “search the web” box, to the right, to find out where you can find it (and for how much).

La Mer moisturizing face cream

I so wanted to call this super-expensive, celebrity, cult favorite “La Merde”. 
(That’s French for “shit” and sadly one of the only words I remember after 4 yrs of high school French.)

According to La Mer, it contains a “highly potent Miracle Broth”™.  Yes, they actually trademarked the words “Miracle Both”. 

Given that and the fact that I paid $35 online for a sample so small it can’t be registered by the human eye from more than 3 ft away, I went into the whole thing a bit jaded.

The story of the Miracle Broth™:  Once upon a time an aerospace physicist had an experiment explode in his face, covering him with severe chemical burns. He spent the next 12 years of his life inventing Crème de la Mer.

I tried my wee sample one night and saw absolutely no difference in my skin. 
Woke up the next morning and decided to give it another try.  But this time I applied La Mer to only one side of my face and applied my regular stuff to the other side. (Please don’t have me committed.) 

When I looked in the mirror at work, the La Mer half of my face looked at least 6 years younger than the other half.  My complexion was more even-toned, smoother, and dare I say actually kind of porcelain-like.

Here I am wondering if I’m too old to be wearing pig tails?

That very day, two people commented that I “looked good”. Of course, what they meant to say was half of my face “looked good” but they probably didn’t think that was possible. 

I’m now a La Mer cult member. I won’t use anything else as a daytime face cream.

If you're interested in checking it out, don’t bother with the $35 sample. You can get a free sample at Saks.  Who knew?

I never thought I would spend this much ($220 for 2 oz.) for a face cream but as my friend Cheryl said “think of all the money you’ll save later on Botox injections”

The directions say to put a small amount on your fingertips and rub them together to activate the Miracle Broth.  Isn’t that the international hand gesture for “expensive”? 

Is that your own inside joke, La Mer? 

Bet you thought no one would ever figure that out.  What? 

You think I have way too much time on my hands and need my medication refilled?

I've gotten some emails asking where people can find the products I talk about in my posts. Feel free to use Google “search the web” box, to the right, to find out where you can find it (and for how much).