I came across Aztec Secret Indian Healing Clay (100% Natural Calcium Bentonite Clay) in a health food store. I was drawn in by the fact that the jar stated (in capital letters, no less) “WORLD’S MOST POWERFUL FACIAL”.
Of course it also said “Use it once per week for the family, more often for problem skin” but I decided to give them the benefit of the doubt and assume that their product was better than their English.
Aztec Secret Indian Healing Clay (aka Calcium Bentonite Clay) is purportedly amongst the most detoxifying forms of clay in the world. It comes in powder form. You mix a little with apple cider vinegar to form a paste. (Just to forewarn you, the combination smells a lot like peed on kitty litter.)
First, I put a warm washcloth over my face to open my pores. Then I applied the clay mixture. As the mask began to dry, I started to panic (I’m not kidding) because the drying clay was tightening and vacuum-sealing itself so tightly to my skin, that I felt like a giant octopus had attached itself to my face.
And if I ever star in Octopus 3, I’ll be able to draw on my Aztec Healing Clay experience and hopefully win an Oscar.
My face was a little red right after. But wow was my skin clear. There were no pores in sight and my skin was so smooth and firm that it looked like I’d been Nicole Kidman-ized. (I imagine if you have acne or blackheads this stuff would be a Godsend.)
So was the sensation of sniffing a dirty kitty litter box, while being attacked by a giant mollusk worth it? You betcha.
Little known fact about Octopi: They like to collect shiny objects from the ocean floor and decorate their caves and build gardens with them. Ringo Starr (The Beatles) said it was one of the happiest things he’d ever heard. He then went on to write the the song “Octopus’s Garden”. (Can you tell I’m unemployed and have too much time on my hands?)