According to an article in Forbes, a Beverly Hills doctor, who specialized in liposuction, had been converting his patients’ thigh, belly and ass fat into biofuel for both his and his girlfriend's SUVs.
Turns out, one pound of fat = a gallon of fuel and most liposuction procedures remove up to 10 lbs of fat. Who says you can’t have your cake and eat it too?
I, for one, think liposuctioned biofuel is the key to returning the US to its former glory.
After all, thanks to “all you can eat” specials and the Dunkin Donuts Waffle Breakfast Sandwich (an egg, cheese and bacon sandwiched in between two waffles, filled with maple syrup), we have a Middle East-sized reserve of fuel sitting, literally, right in our own backyards.
Before we know it, America may literally, run on Dunkin.
Listen up, President Obama. Environmentally friendly, liposuctioned biofuel is a win-win-win-win situation. It will put us back to work, save the American auto industry, protect the environment and put an end to our dependence on foreign oil.
No need to worry about the outsourcing of jobs. No other country on the planet can touch us, when it comes to liposuctioned, biofuel production.
And the best part is this plan won’t require re-training the American work force, improving our school systems or overhauling the health care system. The only stimulus package needed is a packet of coupons to our local grocery stores.
My fellow Americans, to save our asses, we need to band together and let our asses go. For, it is from the ashes of our barbeques, that we shall rise again.
In the words of President John F Kennedy, “Ask not what your country can do for you, ask what you can do for your country”. It’s time to lift ourselves up by our bootstraps, walk over to the fridge and be all we can be. Ga blas Merica. (Sorry, my mouth was full.)
No need to worry about the outsourcing of jobs. No other country on the planet can touch us, when it comes to liposuctioned, biofuel production.
And the best part is this plan won’t require re-training the American work force, improving our school systems or overhauling the health care system. The only stimulus package needed is a packet of coupons to our local grocery stores.
My fellow Americans, to save our asses, we need to band together and let our asses go. For, it is from the ashes of our barbeques, that we shall rise again.
In the words of President John F Kennedy, “Ask not what your country can do for you, ask what you can do for your country”. It’s time to lift ourselves up by our bootstraps, walk over to the fridge and be all we can be. Ga blas Merica. (Sorry, my mouth was full.)
This sounds like a piece from The Onion!
Also, loved the shout-out you got in Bust magazine! I'm a long-time reader, sporadic commenter, and seeing a blog I love in a magazine I love felt like coming full-circle.
Posted by: amanda | March 16, 2009 at 08:27 PM
Hey Amanda,
Thanks for the Onion comment. I love the Onion.
I love Bust too. It was such an honor to get a mention in such a cool magazine.
Thanks!
jenny
Posted by: jenny | March 17, 2009 at 07:57 PM