I found this video on Telegraph.co.uk. It’s an interview with Jill, Duchess of Hamilton, who also happens to be an etiquette expert. (I think I’m going to put Duchess of Hamsterchire, on my resume. Would anyone really know?)
Here’s what the Duchess had to say (to be read in a really snooty accent):
After you put food in your mouth, put your utensils down on your plate while you chew. Does this apply to sitting on your couch with a bag of Smart Puffs? Should I return my hand back into the bag, once I’ve shoved the puffs in my mouth? If so, I already do that. Apparently, I really am Duchess material.
Her second morsel of advice: don’t put too much on your plate or in your mouth.
Easy for her to say. She lives in Britain, where the food is… well, British.
Another tip: be courteous to the others diners. Ask things like “Can I pass you the butter?” “Would you like some peas?” This slows down the rate of eating. I’m not sure how this translates to us, common folk. Perhaps, “Would you like me to pass the bucket of fried chicken?” “May I offer you another packet of ketchup (or catsup)?”
One last thing she suggests is putting wine into a decanter. That way you can see how much you’ve had to drink. Personally, Duchess, I prefer to save myself the trouble, and just gauge it by how bright purple my teeth are.
She goes on to recommend that good table manners be taught in school, because if they were “a lot of children would not be as fat as they are today.”
Duchess, I might not be an etiquette expert, but even I know calling a child, or anyone for that matter, “fat” is very uncouth. I’m advocating you be dethroned and that I replace you as Duchess of Hamilton. I promise not to shirk my Duchess of Hamsterchire duties.
One last thing she suggests is putting wine into a decanter. That way you can see how much you’ve had to drink. Personally, Duchess, I prefer to save myself the trouble, and just gauge it by how bright purple my teeth are.
She goes on to recommend that good table manners be taught in school, because if they were “a lot of children would not be as fat as they are today.”
Duchess, I might not be an etiquette expert, but even I know calling a child, or anyone for that matter, “fat” is very uncouth. I’m advocating you be dethroned and that I replace you as Duchess of Hamilton. I promise not to shirk my Duchess of Hamsterchire duties.
I love all of your posts but i think this one in particular made me laugh harder than any other!
Posted by: Rei | April 14, 2009 at 11:21 PM
Thanks Rei!
Posted by: jenny | April 15, 2009 at 12:34 PM
This is the best post ever. I just started reading your blog, thanks Bust Mag, but I love it already.
Posted by: plushpuppy | April 16, 2009 at 09:16 AM
Hey Plushpuppy,
Thanks so much!!! And Bust rules!
Jenny
Posted by: jenny | April 16, 2009 at 10:24 AM
Oh my god, what is that on the plate? I am not going to say what that looks like.
Posted by: trishket | April 30, 2009 at 11:56 AM
I believe it's haggis. Please don't say what it looks like:)
Posted by: jenny | April 30, 2009 at 12:10 PM
Your writings are too good.
Posted by: Aubade lingeri | August 10, 2009 at 04:10 AM