babyassface

make your eyes look 5 years younger

A friend of mine was nice enough to give me a sample she received of Arcona's “The Eyes Have It” PM regenerating eye serum. 

I like the fact that it’s all-natural. No parabans or ingredients, that look like they’ve been typed by my cat’s ass, while she sits on the keyboard. 

Arcona claims this serum leaves the eye area firmer, brighter and younger-looking. That it reduces fine lines and wrinkles, increases elasticity and hydrates. I concur. The second I dabbed it on my dark circles, the area looked brighter, lighter, and had a reflective quality (which I think was the retinol).

I then applied it around my eyes. Upon contact, the fine lines diminished. I put some on my eyelids, (which they specifically said not to do). They immediately looked and felt firmer and less like shriveled grapes, that I’d found in the back of my fridge.

Right below my bottom lashes, has some swollen pouchiness. Just a little, it’s not like I could shove a baby kangaroo in there or anything.

OMG.  Puffy eyes, dark circles, brow cleavage, marionette lines, wrinkly eyelids, freckles gone wild, dry hair-  I can only imagine what the readers of this blog think I look like.

Those Rembrandt Whitening Strips really didn't have the effect I was hoping for.

Anyway, I applied the serum right below my bottom lashes on one side only. It drastically firmed and reduced the puffiness, making that side look at least 5 years younger.
 
When I looked in the mirror the next morning, I was still impressed with the results. 

Unfortunately, the directions say to “use once or twice a week”, which is taking every ounce of restraint I can muster.

I was using the sample so sparingly, because I thought it’d cost $80 or $90 to replace.  Turns out it costs $32.  Excuse me, I have to go apply ice cream scoopers full of the stuff to my eyes now.

I keep reading the name as Anaconda, which is the only thing keeping me from using it more than twice a week.

Anyone else have any Arcona products they love?

Finally, a product that drastically reduced my dark, under eye circles!

As anyone, who reads this blog regularly knows, I’m obsessed with finding a cure for my dark, under eye circles. Well, turns out, it was next to the toilet bowl cleaner at Walgreens all this time.  Huh?  What?

I lived in my old apartment for 14 years. When I was packing up to move, I had an apocalyptic allergy attack from all the dust I unearthed. 

It’s not like I never cleaned my apartment, but apparently dust is very stealth. I found it on top of books, underneath stereo equipment, clinging to lamp shades. In fact, the top of my armoire was so covered in a puffy cloud of dust, that I half-expected an angel to be up there playing a harp.  

I realized that when I moved to a new, fresh, dust-free apartment, I no longer looked like I’d just participated in a sleep deprivation experiment. My dark circles had decreased by at least 70% and my eyes were no longer red and glassy. (The only negative side effect, is the whites of my eyes are now so white, they’re making my teeth look more yellow.)

I’m getting to the product, I swear.

When I was having my allergy attack, in my old apartment, my mother recommended I get a Swiffer Duster. So I did. It’s the best under eye product for dark circles I’ve ever found, because it turns out my dark circles were caused by allergies. 

Just wave the Swiffer Duster around on your furniture and dust gravitates towards it and clings to it, like Jennifer Aniston to the wrong guy.

When you’re done, just toss the disposable, dirty, dusty Duster in the trash. 

It easily maneuvers into hard to reach places, so there’s nowhere for dust to hide. Use it on furniture, plants, tops of books, knickknacks (you’re supposed to dust knickknacks? You mean that wasn’t a Chia Pet on my shelf?)

Since I’ve started using it, it takes me mere minutes to make my entire apartment dust-free. 

So if you have dark circles and/or puffy eyes (caused by allergies) get yourself a Swiffer Duster. It could be the cheapest, best under eye product you ever buy.  

Since my cats' dander is contributing to the dust, I thought it was only fair that they help with the cleaning. (That’s a joke. I swear that’s not my cat.)

perk up your eye area

I spent the last week moving. There was 14 years of dust lurking inside and under things.  (Note to self: don’t just dust the areas people can see.  It seems like you’re getting away with something at the time, but your eyeballs might pop out of your head 14 years later.) 

The dust caused a horrible allergy attack, which then turned into a cold. I pretty much couldn’t inhale oxygen for an entire week. Red, swollen eyes, dark circles, ghostly pale skin.

 I was pretty much Uncle Fester with hair.

So to treat myself, or at least not to frighten small children, I went to Sephora to buy a soothing eye treatment. I had seen the Shiseido Benefiance Pure Retinol Instant Treatment Eye Mask in action in an online video and it looked pretty impressive.

It’s formulated with ginseng extract and vitamin C derivative to effectively improve the appearance of dark circles and dullness and Retinol to help with fine lines and crow’s feet.

It looked more expensive than the other eye treatments, but it actually had twice as many patches, which made it the cheapest of the bunch.

Can I just reiterate: when I bought these I looked like an Albino pig.

The patches come in little trays and are soaked in the moisturizer. (Keep the box right side up).  After applying the patches, I applied the left over moisturizer to my eyelids.  My eye area immediately felt soothed and refreshed.  After 15 minutes, I removed the patches.

I can’t even tell you how good these things are.  My under eye area looked more alert, moisturized and had a dewy, reflective glow.

Since they are expensive, I would never use them the 2-3 times a week they suggest.  But I would definitely use them once a week, or before appearing at the Oscars. (You never know). 

If they could make my eye area look bright and perky, they’ll do wonders for a person, who doesn’t look like they have the Ebola virus.

Feel free to use the Google "search the web" box to the right to find out where you can get them at the cheapest price. 

random tip: how to maximize your eyelash curl

With the new, FDA-approved, eyelash-thickening drug, Latisse, hitting the market this year and mascaras that twirl, spin and vibrate, it appears that eyelashes are this year’s lips. (Last year’s lips, in my opinion, were eyebrows.)  

To me, this vibrating mascara just looks like a whole lot of opportunities to poke myself in the eye.

Being kind of broke, I thought about trying to create my own oscillating mascara applicator by taping my mascara to my Sonicare toothbrush,  but I didn’t think it was worth risking losing an eye over.

So I decided to do some research online, for tips on how to get the biggest, longest-looking lashes, without a prescription or a visit to the emergency room.

The first tip I found was to warm your eyelash curler with your hairdryer.  Thus turning your eyelash curler into a tiny curling iron for your lashes. 

Sounded great in theory, but it was hard to get the curler to the right temperature.  It was was either not warm enough to do anything, or so warm that I felt like my eyelids were cattle, about to be branded. 

When I finally got the curler to the right temperature, it didn't add that much curl.  Plus, I think it would make my lashes dry and brittle, causing them to fall out, thus defeating the purpose.  

But another tip I read, while so simple, made a huge difference in my lashes.

The tip: curl your lashes 3 times: once closest to the eyelid, once midway up the length of the lash and a third time towards the tip of the eyelash.

I have thin, extremely short lashes, so I could hardly get 3 curls in, but I have to say, it made the curl big and full (relatively speaking) and my lashes looked longer and much more prominent. 

If you try it out, let me know what you think. 
Anyone try any of the vibrating mascaras?  Any of them good?

random tip: thicker eyelashes?

So I was reading about how applying castor oil or Vaseline to eyelashes right before bedtime can help make them thicker.  

So I tried coating my tiny, thin, light lashes with castor oil 3 days a week, for 2 weeks. 

It was really hard to coat the individual lashes with a Q-tip, so I took one of those disposable mascara wands they have at the make-up stations at Sephora.

First, taking paper toilet seat covers from public bathrooms. Now this. Hopefully, I'm not turning into another Winona Ryder.

Here she is at her trial. I bet she tried that headband on at the store and "accidentally" walked out with it on.

I applied the castor oil to my right lashes only, to see if I noticed a difference between the two sides. 

I sure did.  The Castor oil eyelashes felt so much softer and healthier.  The other side felt like something Stuart Little would use to make a broom out of.

I also noticed a big difference when curling my eyelashes.  The castor oil side took the curl and held it much better.  So when I applied my mascara to the curled lashes, they did appear slightly more voluminous. 

This experiment didn’t last very long.  I found the castor oil seeping into my eyes overnight.  For fear of losing my sight, in order to have longer lashes, which I wouldn’t be able to see anyway, I decided to ixnay the castor oil.  Maybe I’ll try switching to Vaseline since it’s thicker, and maybe won’t seep in as much.

You know you've over done it with the lashes, when you start looking like Andy Rooney.

Has anyone else ever tried putting castor oil or Vaseline on their eyelashes to thicken them?  If so did it work?  A lot of people online seem to swear by it. 

a truly smudge-free mascara. really

OK, I know mascara isn’t traditionally considered a skin care product but according to kidshealth.org (back off, I like how simply they explain stuff) hair is actually a modified type of skin.

That said… Imju FiberWig mascara is amazing. (Not surprisingly, it’s the top selling mascara in Japan.)

I have very thin, dwarf-like, toe-head eyelashes. Any mascara can make my upper lashes look thicker, longer, darker. That’s not my problem.

My problem is my lower lashes. Whenever I apply mascara to them it smears down my face and I end up looking like a mascara-wearing raccoon, who’s just been shooting heroine while watching Terms of Endearment.

Fiberwig claims to be the mascara equivalent of false eyelashes. I think it’s more like the equivalent of eyelash plugs. Because this stuff just won’t come off. Not for cleansers, make-up removers, sweat or tears. The only thing that does remove it is warm water. (I think they deserve a Noble Prize for inventing such a confusing scientific anomaly.)

Just how stay-put is this stuff? I torture-tested it on a yoga retreat in Costa Rica. 90 degrees. Jungle humidity. Super-sweaty yoga. Any other mascara would have been down around my ankles by the end of class. This stuff didn’t budge or smudge in the slightest.

I no longer hate people with naturally long,thick lashes. As much as I used to.

I've gotten some emails asking where people can find the products I talk about in my posts. Feel free to use Google “search the web” box, to the right, to find out where you can find it (and for how much).

crows feet are for crows

I think there’s something wrong with my crows’ feet. Aren’t crows supposed to have 4 toes? Mine have a bunch of extra toes and little mutant toes growing out of the bigger toes. Like maybe they ate some genetically modified corn or something.

Fortunately, a friend told me about Shiseido Benefiance Eye Cream. From the first second my Benefiance-dabbed finger touched my crows’ feet they scattered. I tried smiling really hard, channeling the bastard child of Mary Hart and Ryan Seacrest, but I still couldn’t get the crevices to re-appear.

And the results weren’t temporary. (It’s not like the cream absorbed and then suddenly I looked like Dorian Grey after he stabbed the painting.) The wrinkles were gone the entire day. Thanks to this amazing eye cream, I no longer have to lie and say I was a lifeguard growing up. Bless you Shiseido for not only improving my skin but my karma as well.

Here I am on a leisurely stroll to pick up some Shiseido eye cream.

Now occassionaly even people under 80 call me "miss" again.

I've gotten some emails asking where people can find the products I talk about in my posts. Feel free to use Google “search the web” box, to the right, to find out where you can find it (and for how much).